You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
