i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
