The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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