Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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