conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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