I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
