fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
