new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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