Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
