I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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