i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would ride that face into the sunset
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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