just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
