Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
