she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hippo gnu deer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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