I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
