I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
