apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
