I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
