Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
