I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
