I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
