We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
