So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
