I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
