you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
