I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
