so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
