Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I party with great urgency now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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