Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
third nipple confirmed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
