he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
