man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
