my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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