Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
