Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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