what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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