i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
