My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
