When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
