im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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