Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
