I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
