He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
