So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
