yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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