Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
