you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
