i just had sex bonerless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
