ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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