My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
