If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
