My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
