I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
